Why you freeze before job interviews – and how to pull yourself out of it
Two questions, nine perspectives – and a way out of the blockade
Published on by Gernot Sauerborn
Some of my clients come to me with a nervousness that is no longer just “butterflies”. It is a blockade. They cannot listen properly. Their mind goes blank. They give short, stiff answers – or they ramble. They are not themselves.
I know this feeling. Many of you know it too. And some of you made the experience, that the attempt to hide your nervousness (to yourself, to others) is a real booster to get even more nervous.
Over the years of my work with my clients, there evolved a simple self‑help exercise: It does not erase nervousness magically. But it helps you make friends with your nervousness – or at least stop it from taking over the steering wheel.
You can do this exercise by yourself, at your kitchen table, with a notebook. No special tools. Just honesty and a little time.
The two questions that change your inner conversation
In a quiet moment – not the night before the interview – sit down and write out your answers to these two questions:
1. Why should I absolutely be nervous in my next job interview?
2. Why can I allow myself also be relaxed?
For each question, look at the same situation from different perspectives. Do not judge. Do not censor. Just brainstorm.
Perspective 1: Fears and worst‑case scenario
Why nervous? What am I afraid of? Worst case? – They think my German is too bad. I freeze completely. They laugh internally. I don’t get the job → money/visa/family problems.
Why relaxed? What is the real probability? – Worst case: not this one job. Not the end. Even if I freeze for 10 seconds – people wait. Then say “Let me collect my thoughts.” No interviewer laughs at someone trying.
Perspective 2: Hopes and expectations
Why nervous? What do I hope for so badly? – They like me immediately. I show all skills perfectly. They offer the job on the spot.
Why relaxed? What if the best case does not happen? – If they don’t like me immediately – that’s fine, teams warm up slowly. 70% of skills shown is still a lot. On‑the‑spot offers are rare – normal decisions take days. Even more important: Currently, you think it's your dream job and working environment. It might be, that the interview (and company) culture don't fit your expecations, that the future boss is not the type of person you want to work with... Don't be fixed on your hopes, but also curious about your perception during the interview.
Perspective 3: What is really at stake?
Why nervous? Financial security, reputation, self‑respect, others’ respect. – 6 months of savings. Industry reputation. “If I fail this, I’m a failure.” Parents’ or partner’s respect.
Why relaxed? How important actually? – One interview does not decide your financial future. No one in the industry ever knows about one shaky interview. Your worth is not your interview performance. Real respect is for effort, not just success.
Perspective 4: Real or perceived deficits
Why nervous? – My accent. Missing experience and skills. Lack of local work culture. Talking too fast when stressed.
Why relaxed? Can I still change this? – Accent? Not in 3 days – accept it. Grammar? Review top 5 mistakes, but accept the rest. Work culture? Read 2 articles – doable. Talking fast? Breathe after every sentence.Most important: You are invited to that interview because of your strengths they see in you, and never because of your deficicts.
Perspective 5: What experiences allow nervousness or relaxation?
Why nervous? – I’ve been rejected before because of my German. I once forgot the question. I’m new to this country.
Why relaxed? – I have survived every rejection. I moved countries, learned a new language, found an apartment in Germany – that’s a real achievement. I have handled uncertainty before.
Perspective 6: Weaknesses you hide – and the price
Why nervous? What weakness am I desperate to hide? – Accent. CV gaps. No German degree. My fear itself. What happens when I hide? – I become tense, monitor every word, lose flow. The hidden thing becomes more visible because I’m stiff.
Why relaxed? What if I stop playing a role? – If I stop hiding my accent, I speak freely. A CV gap: “After moving, I took 4 months for language and orientation” – honest. Showing nervousness: “I’m a bit nervous – interviews in a foreign language are new” – often creates sympathy. The price of a perfect role: anxiety, exhaustion, not being yourself.
Perspective 7: Beliefs about yourself
Why nervous (beliefs that fuel nervousness)? – I must be perfect in German. I must not make mistakes. People see my insecurity and use it against me. If I am not extremely prepared, I fail.
Why relaxed (alternative beliefs)? – I need clear, passionate, understandable German – not perfect. 2‑3 small mistakes are normal – native speakers do it too. Most people look for a reason to hire you, not to eliminate you. Preparation is good – over‑preparation creates stiffness.
Perspective 8: Whose expectations are you trying to meet?
Why nervous? Whose voice is inside my head? – Father: “Don’t embarrass the family.” Former boss: “Your German is not good enough.” Partner who is financially dependent.
Why relaxed? Do these expectations belong here? – Your father is not in the room. That former boss does not work here. Your partner wants you healthy, not just employed – and one interview is not your only chance.
Perspective 9: What gives you confirmation?
Why nervous (sources of confirmation)? – Last time I was nervous, I did badly – so it will repeat. My friend said “You should be nervous, this job is a big deal.”
Why relaxed (sources of confirmation)? – Last time I was relaxed, I spoke better – even with mistakes. I prepared everything in my control. Many successful people feel nervous – and still succeed. Feeling nervous does not mean failing.
Now prioritise – and check with a friend’s eyes
After writing your answers: 1. Mark the 2‑3 strongest reasons for nervousness and the 2‑3 most convincing reasons for relaxation. 2. Imagine your best friend – honest, not falsely comforting. Would they give the same answers in the same order? Or would they say: “You are overestimating that fear and underestimating your strengths”? Write down what your friend would say.
Final question: How does this change your nervousness right now?
Read through everything. Take a breath. Then ask: “Thinking about my next job interview – how do I feel about my nervousness now?” Has it decreased a little? Have some fears become smaller? Or have you accepted your nervousness as normal? There is no wrong answer. The goal is to move from a frozen blockade to a manageable buzz.
Moving on With Systemic Solution Oriented Coaching
In systemic solution‑focused coaching, we do not try to “eliminate” nervousness. We help you change your relationship with it. Here is how coaching specifically supports you with this exercise – and beyond:
- From vague fear to precise questions – Many clients say “I am just nervous”. Coaching helps you break that down: Nervous about what? At which moment? With what thought? Then we work on that one concrete point.
- Testing your answers in a safe simulation – After you write down your reasons for being relaxed, we practise a real interview situation. You notice: “Oh, my relaxed answers actually work.” Experiencing this changes your body, not just your mind.
- Finding your personal “relaxed anchors” – For some, it is a breathing technique. For others, it is a sentence they say to themselves (“I have handled worse”). For many migrants, it is remembering: “I already moved to a foreign country – that was harder than this interview.” Coaching helps you find your own anchor.
- Working with the “friend perspective” – Many people cannot take the friend’s perspective alone because their inner critic is too loud. As a coach, I can gently be that honest, well‑wishing outsider – and ask: “What would you tell a good friend in your situation?” The answer often surprises you.
- Acceptance vs. elimination – Solution‑focused coaching does not demand that you become completely calm. Sometimes the goal is: “I can be nervous and still function.” We work on exactly that – small steps, real progress.
If you have done the exercise and still notice that nervousness blocks you from being yourself – consider one or two coaching sessions. Not to fix you. To give you back the steering wheel.
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My insights are grounded in my daily work with international professionals and executives navigating the job market and workplace culture in German-speaking countries. As an experienced manager, management consultant, systemic coach, and business-oriented German language teacher, I combine a practical understanding of business expectations with a deep appreciation of the challenges of working across cultures. Having lived and worked internationally, I understand how to make professional experience, individual strengths, and personal identity visible in a new professional environment.
I offer a free chemistry call to personally connect, share how I work with clients, and see if my coaching approach aligns with your goals.
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